Broken Hearts - Advice and Thoughts

Broken hearts are everywhere. My heart has been broken before, and I am seeing it over and over throughout my studies of the human race: we are all broken; we all experience the pain of heartbreak. I have made a few observations that might be helpful for those who are hurting and those who want to take steps to preventing heartache.

1. Friendship First I cannot stress enough how important it is to really get to know someone as a friend before you get romantically involved with them. Get to know their likes and dislikes, what gets on their nerves and what makes them feel special. A friend of mine said recently, "You need to become a girl's best friend before you can be her boyfriend." and that is so true, and not only for guys who are seeking girls. You need to be a true friend who is trustworthy and they know well enough to have open communication with you at all times.
2. Get to Know Their Friends Don't ask your potential boyfriend/girlfriend to isolate themselves from their friends. Get to know the people they hang out with and what they all do for fun. What kind of things to they talk about? If you know what kind of people they choose to associate themselves with, you will get to know them on a much deeper level. Have you ever heard the saying, "bad company corrupts good character." This is so true! By the same token, if they are hanging out with people who are godly and who are the kinds of friends you want, then you will be more likely to have picked the right person for a potential relationship.
3. Getting Together Try to find a happy medium between always being near your friend and never being around. If you are always together, then you will be sick of each other. On the flip side of that, if you never spend time together, then you aren't really in a relationship. (Or course, I must clarify here: I am not saying anything about long-distance relationships here. That is a post for another day.)
4. Be Real If you have dreams about what you want your future spouse to be like, then stick to those standards. For guys: this means don't settle for a exotic dancer if you feel lead to eventually marry a modest, godly woman. Girls: this means that if you are looking for a guy who is a gentleman, don't settle for someone who doesn't treat you the way you like you are a princess. Make a list of realistic goals you want for a future spouse, and stick to that list. Not everything has to be spiritual or conventional or serious. Some of the things on my list include not smoking, not cussing, opens doors, puts God before everything, and is willing to play games with my family. I have met guys that I thought I might be interested in, but if there were areas where they did not met the standard, I prayed for them. I pray all the time for my friends to be godly, because bad company corrupts good morals, but good company strengthens them.
5. Be Fair At the same time, don't expect the other person top be perfect. You are not perfect, either, so don't hold them to a standard that they cannot ever reach. That is not fair and it will destroy the relationship.
6. Not Always Romance Love is not any of the following things: sex, romance, crushing, holding hands, whispering in each other's ear, chatting or texting for hours, or even dating. None of those things are love. As 1 Corinthians says:

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

In short, love does not equal romance. I love many of my guy friends, but I have no romantic feelings for them. Remember that next time you tell someone you love them, it should be a commitment to treat them with patience, kindness, trust, honesty, real forgiveness and a commitment to having their best interest at heart.

I could go on and on about tips and more advice, but you ultimately have to decide how to handle your relationships. Besides, all of the advice I just gave you will only help if you have followed the advice I am about to give you. Get right with God, because if you are consistently studying the Bible, applying it to your life, and living as God leads you, then everything else will fall into place. That doesn't mean that whatever you want will just magically happen, but it does mean that when you are setting yourself up for heartbreak, God has an easy window of communication with you to warn you.

I hope this helps,
Christina

Real Christina

I wish that I could say that I have not posted on this blog because my quiet times have simply been so inspiring that I can't put them down, and therefore have no time to blog about them. I wish I could say that, but I can't. I hate it when people are fake with me, so let me be a person who isn't fake and I will (as a youth leader I know says) really level with you.

I have considered myself 'too busy' to do a quiet time since I started college on August 25th. Not a not a single day of spending time with God. But it struck me recently that I am stressed to the point of illness and worried constantly not because I have too many things to do. Not because I have too little income to pay off my tuition. Not for any reason why people would legitimately thinmk I am stressed. I am stressed out because I have but school, work, money, and even sleep ahead of God. Oops!

God has a wonderful way of giving us just what we need right when we need it. God has shown me this time and time again, but I still have a HUGE trust issue, a lesson that I have to keep relearning and relearning. Music has always been a big part of my life. Tonight, I was driving to a Freshman Bible Study and I popped in a cd I had not listened to in a while, Casting Crown's Lifesong. Two of the songs were very impactful.

The first song, called Praise You In This Storm meant a lot to me because I still think that if I pray about something, God should just take me problems away. I know that things don't work that way, God isn't a genie in a bottle. He will do what's best for us, whether we like it or not. He will work it out in His timing. (His being the operative word) This song convicted me that I need to praise Him, even when the rain is still falling, because I know He is in control of the storm.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
--
My first thought after hearing this song was, "Well, that's not going on the blog!" but then, came this next song, which also convicted me. I am sure (at least I hope) I am not the only one who pretends they are really close with God when in reality, you haven't had a real conversation with Him in a week (or two!). This song is called Stained Glass Masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

So there is my real life. The real Christina who hasn't done a quiet time in two weeks. Sorry I'm not a better role model... but at least now there are no false pretenses. The invitation is open her, to everyone who isn't perfectly consistent, join the club!